Half Assed

Okay I was bad. I wanted to write yesterday, but I was lazy/busy at the same time.

So it seems like the theme for this week is : PEOPLE THAT IRRITATE THE SHIT OUT OF ME.

Not uncommon right? Nothing that we all haven't faced at some point in our lives? Well apparently it's something i need to work on- according to God. Some who might read this are thinking "what does God have to do with that?" Well... everything. The way things have panned out lately, it's like I NEED to build a sweetness and tolerance towards people otherwise I'm liable to go to jail for snapping on someone for being stupid. This last week has been nothing but little trials of my patience. And there is nothing wrong with the fact that I get irritated, but it's the fact that I cannot seem to put up with being the bigger person EVERY SINGLE TIME.

• When the girls in my dorm DON'T: Flush the toilet, wash their hands after using the bathroom, shut the water completely off in the shower;
• When the asshole T.A. decides to completely break down every bit of work and effort I put into changing my way of thinking in microeconomics by making me consider the very thing I had to omit in the first place to end the confusion;
• When the girl who offers to give me a ride to the grocery store (a tiny miracle, btw) makes me realize 1 minute into our journey that she can't drive and she's completely AWKWARD;
• When a girl during a fellowship bible study actively believes that Christians were cannibals because she misheard 3 sentences and doesn't even question it;
• When someone calls me and inquires about my cooking only to cut me off mid-explanation to say why he really called and thing hangs up;

I have to be sweet and kind and understanding. Understanding that I don't know what they are going through to prompt these behaviors. And I at all times must love all people because God loves all of them. He. Loves. All Of Them. And even if they are just being conceited inconsiderate assholes, I may never know why they are that way and I should love them and be sweet to them even when they don't deserve it... The same way God is toward me. So in turn I work on this by (relative to the examples given)

• Flushing the toilets and turning off the water in the showers if needed
• Getting help with my microeconomics by everyone else who ISN'T that guy
• Inviting this strange girl to hang out with me and my neo-family for pancakes
• Being patient and realizing that her personality ties in a lot with the way her brain works. Her brain is a thousand miles a minute and she portrays that. I just need to be patient and willing to help her where I can to understand.
• I should understand that he's ADD and that will happen... and if he meant to do it, It doesn't really matter.

Period.

It's a really hard process. Being a Christian, I mean. I'm really beginning to understand why I failed twice after being saved and lost track of it all when I was a bit younger. I'm really glad that this is the real deal for me, I'm glad that I'm making this continuous effort... this life long effort to get to someone who is so amazing.

I feel really good knowing about Christianity the way I do now. I kinda wish my family were more interested in helping me develop my relationship with God rather than having me only go to church and pray over food and pray before I go to sleep thinking that that was the way for me to live by God. None of that hurts at all... but there was a whole element missing. An element that I don't think they truly grasp (Maybe they do, but I can't tell) But the element of one not belonging to themselves... but to God. This is another struggle I've been taking note of little by little...

Trusting God with absolutely everything: My hair *wince*... yeah I take care of it and love it but it's not mine... My body as a whole... I can do as I want, but if treat it like it's mine and/or violate it because "it belongs to me" He'll show me who it belongs to I'm sure without a doubt... My love life- if I am in constant control of my love life, God will not intervene and do His work for me... And we all know how that turns out. This logic should apply to everything. I am his vessel and I want to trust him so much. And though I will never be perfect in so many regards to him... to try and trust him is to try and have faith. And God does not disappoint when you take out the "ME" factor. I'm learning about that too.

But now that I'm done crying about trying to not to be a half assed Christian, I'm going to take a nap.

If I could just simply realize that absolutely none of the things that bog me down matter, and the things that seem to truly matter should be given to God, I wouldn't need to complain... or go to counseling...