Apparently there were 5 Thursdays this October.
Today was a good day. I taught a pretty good class today and had lunch with Sally and John. Then went to class and later played piano. I finally know a two more measures of the song I've been practicing for a while.
I've been pretty good. I missed last week out of sheer laziness and some stress. I had a long weekend filled with babysitting (which was fun) homework and a grant proposal write up for a fellowship worth a ton - o - money. And I've done a lot to attempt to not worry about it. Things are great otherwise. I'm even over all the guys I had an attraction toward. Even the one that I felt super strongly about. Clarification made things less mysterious and I could stop being a sap from the ambiguous.
I'm in love with Dizzy... especially today. She makes me realize how far along I've come in life. And often times the messier the better.... kinda makes up for all the non messing up I've been trying to be apart of lately.
I keep solving all my problems just prior to Thursdays... It makes me less entertaining I suppose... But I keep facing that fact that things just don't need as much intensity as I used to place on them.
"Be careful little eyes what you see." - Casting Crowns
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Doesn't Need Defending
Keeping this one short I guess. I don't have any major situations worth talking about lol. I will mention them in one liners:
-Boy values my opinion even though I often cut him down when I don't realize it. (I guess that's what being honest is called)
-Counseling boy (from a few months ago I think) decides to leave group and blame us for it
-Random girl on facebook tries to justify that people need to tip otherwise they have no business eating out (????? for cereal?)
-Faith is growing through my friendships and fellowships
-I'm seeing a lot of what I was trying to avoid- me sinning, without even meaning to, internally
Teaching is going really well! Even had a pop-visit from the head professor with some guests and they saw me in both of my classes. I'm glad the students were so well behaved lol. I had a fairly productive week. I didn't lose too much sleep, but I would like to go to bed earlier still. I think I'm going to make this up coming week my last week of group counseling. I think I would be of better help to people that want it in a different form. As a Christian I don't fit in group anymore. It's just kind of how it is. I'll announce it finally and stick with it... I'll have my Tuesdays back at least.
I'm going to do my homework and throw off my sleep schedule by studying super late with a friend at Allsaints.
"The Bible doesn't need defending, it defends itself."
"You have the choice about whether you will let something bother you or not."
"Jesus will bring people to Him on his own accord, you can be a part of the process, but it won't be you to bring people to His kingdom."
"Be Angry, but Sin not."
"It really doesn't matter."
-Boy values my opinion even though I often cut him down when I don't realize it. (I guess that's what being honest is called)
-Counseling boy (from a few months ago I think) decides to leave group and blame us for it
-Random girl on facebook tries to justify that people need to tip otherwise they have no business eating out (????? for cereal?)
-Faith is growing through my friendships and fellowships
-I'm seeing a lot of what I was trying to avoid- me sinning, without even meaning to, internally
Teaching is going really well! Even had a pop-visit from the head professor with some guests and they saw me in both of my classes. I'm glad the students were so well behaved lol. I had a fairly productive week. I didn't lose too much sleep, but I would like to go to bed earlier still. I think I'm going to make this up coming week my last week of group counseling. I think I would be of better help to people that want it in a different form. As a Christian I don't fit in group anymore. It's just kind of how it is. I'll announce it finally and stick with it... I'll have my Tuesdays back at least.
I'm going to do my homework and throw off my sleep schedule by studying super late with a friend at Allsaints.
"The Bible doesn't need defending, it defends itself."
"You have the choice about whether you will let something bother you or not."
"Jesus will bring people to Him on his own accord, you can be a part of the process, but it won't be you to bring people to His kingdom."
"Be Angry, but Sin not."
"It really doesn't matter."
Thursday, October 8, 2009
To Russia
"It's a life long journey to get one person to believe that your faith in God is real."
My mom said that to me earlier this afternoon when I told her about this person I know who called my intentions for following God selfish because of the aspect I gain of everlasting life. The argument just made me realize and love how strong my faith in God is and how selfish it isn't. I've prayed about it and I've forgiven him... but the fact that someone could be so ignorant to God's love astounds me... and the comments still sting a little apparently.
I've been thinking a lot about that. Selfishness. And how it's pointed out in me. I'm beginning to figure out the difference between whether what I desire is selfish or if what I desire can be determined by me and in turn be trusted in God's hands. I am learning not to live for the flesh but for God, but I think I'm getting it confused with what me wanting to do things and feeling like God has to "tell" me whether it's okay for me to want to do things. So to exercise the fact that I am allowed to want things I have decided that Russia is most certainly on my "To Do List"
I'm hoping to go to Moscow over the summer for six weeks and have the time of my life and learn all kinds of new things. Except learning to like mineral water (or Gas water) that crap is terrible :P lol I'm also considering a new course of graduate studies: Urban and Regional Planning. I realized that I'm really forcing myself to do economics and I'm going to give regional planning a try to see if I can find a genuine interest in it. I'll know by senior year I guess.
On the guy front I think I've finally let it go. All of it... all of them. EFM still remains a hopeless case for me. I almost asked him out in the library the other day. I forced and prayed myself out of it. It was during the time of the struggle of wanting what I want and wanting what God wants. And in the end I'm sure he would have said 'no' anyway (and that's not me being all emo about it). J.B. is such a strange strange case. I think I'm better off not considering any romantic relations since I know I can get wrapped up in them. I want feelings to be mutual and I don't want to have to feel like I need to do something in order to make it happen. It's not about me.
I'm milking my resources pretty intensely these days. I became bold and e-mailed my employer from the UCC and asked her if I could work in the club, but doing something else. I want a job (that whole selfishness and learning to give it to God thing) so I've been randomly applying to different places. I'm going to keep trying. There is no point in forcing myself to do things I don't want to do right? So why not do the things that you want to do (while not obsessing)?
I'm going to clean my room... I might actually go to bed early this time
My mom said that to me earlier this afternoon when I told her about this person I know who called my intentions for following God selfish because of the aspect I gain of everlasting life. The argument just made me realize and love how strong my faith in God is and how selfish it isn't. I've prayed about it and I've forgiven him... but the fact that someone could be so ignorant to God's love astounds me... and the comments still sting a little apparently.
I've been thinking a lot about that. Selfishness. And how it's pointed out in me. I'm beginning to figure out the difference between whether what I desire is selfish or if what I desire can be determined by me and in turn be trusted in God's hands. I am learning not to live for the flesh but for God, but I think I'm getting it confused with what me wanting to do things and feeling like God has to "tell" me whether it's okay for me to want to do things. So to exercise the fact that I am allowed to want things I have decided that Russia is most certainly on my "To Do List"
I'm hoping to go to Moscow over the summer for six weeks and have the time of my life and learn all kinds of new things. Except learning to like mineral water (or Gas water) that crap is terrible :P lol I'm also considering a new course of graduate studies: Urban and Regional Planning. I realized that I'm really forcing myself to do economics and I'm going to give regional planning a try to see if I can find a genuine interest in it. I'll know by senior year I guess.
On the guy front I think I've finally let it go. All of it... all of them. EFM still remains a hopeless case for me. I almost asked him out in the library the other day. I forced and prayed myself out of it. It was during the time of the struggle of wanting what I want and wanting what God wants. And in the end I'm sure he would have said 'no' anyway (and that's not me being all emo about it). J.B. is such a strange strange case. I think I'm better off not considering any romantic relations since I know I can get wrapped up in them. I want feelings to be mutual and I don't want to have to feel like I need to do something in order to make it happen. It's not about me.
I'm milking my resources pretty intensely these days. I became bold and e-mailed my employer from the UCC and asked her if I could work in the club, but doing something else. I want a job (that whole selfishness and learning to give it to God thing) so I've been randomly applying to different places. I'm going to keep trying. There is no point in forcing myself to do things I don't want to do right? So why not do the things that you want to do (while not obsessing)?
I'm going to clean my room... I might actually go to bed early this time
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Stretch
Blargh.
I'm sooo tired. I've been staying up late to study all week and I doon't like it at allllll.... yeah I'm whining, but I really do miss the days of going to bed at eleven and waking up at 8. But in any case it's been pretty sweet since usually what keeps me going during the day is people. I end up napping during the afternoons around 3 ish, but all the time before that is me interacting with people... and depending on the day I'm back on the grind around 5 until whenever. It's a nice change I'll admit. I used to sit in my room by myself pleading for self-induced self-improvement. And now I'm helping people with things I never thought I could and making time for people I didn't really know I had. Pros and cons and I still have an ass load to do at the end of the day.
My hair has gotten pretty long. I look at my before and after pics and I smile because every day really IS the longest my hair has ever been. I'm straightening it for the dinner this Saturday so that'll be all kinds of fun. I stretch my hair out to see the length and it looks like it never changes and I'll see a picture from two summers ago and I squeal like a lame ass lol. I'm really pleased with my progress.
I'm worried about my K-1 kids that I'm teaching. They are beginning to make me nervous since their attention spans with me are quickly slipping as the weeks go on (I'm only on my third) I'll be revamping my lesson plans with somethings that will hopefully keep their attention and stick in their minds. My 4-5 graders are as awesome as ever.
Aside from my ever solidifying faith I've got nothing...
I still like Chevelle, skateboarding, and dancing in my room by myself... Once negative associations are cast away the things you truly love fall back into place.
I'm sooo tired. I've been staying up late to study all week and I doon't like it at allllll.... yeah I'm whining, but I really do miss the days of going to bed at eleven and waking up at 8. But in any case it's been pretty sweet since usually what keeps me going during the day is people. I end up napping during the afternoons around 3 ish, but all the time before that is me interacting with people... and depending on the day I'm back on the grind around 5 until whenever. It's a nice change I'll admit. I used to sit in my room by myself pleading for self-induced self-improvement. And now I'm helping people with things I never thought I could and making time for people I didn't really know I had. Pros and cons and I still have an ass load to do at the end of the day.
My hair has gotten pretty long. I look at my before and after pics and I smile because every day really IS the longest my hair has ever been. I'm straightening it for the dinner this Saturday so that'll be all kinds of fun. I stretch my hair out to see the length and it looks like it never changes and I'll see a picture from two summers ago and I squeal like a lame ass lol. I'm really pleased with my progress.
I'm worried about my K-1 kids that I'm teaching. They are beginning to make me nervous since their attention spans with me are quickly slipping as the weeks go on (I'm only on my third) I'll be revamping my lesson plans with somethings that will hopefully keep their attention and stick in their minds. My 4-5 graders are as awesome as ever.
Aside from my ever solidifying faith I've got nothing...
I still like Chevelle, skateboarding, and dancing in my room by myself... Once negative associations are cast away the things you truly love fall back into place.
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