Choices That Are Not My Own

Awesome... so I'm pretty sure I'm blowing this relationship out of the water because I can't help, but to fret about the fact that dating a non-Christian poses problems as it does.

So Father in Heaven did you really place him in my life to mess with me after all? It all feels like a joke now. I'm just really glad I've held decent composure with him... I'm glad there was no deep seated sinful nature involved.

It's probably the worst conversation I've had with someone. And in the end him mentioning that the bible is "dated" made me get out of his car at 3AM and walk home in the cold. My last words to him were "I'm going home." My text message of choice was "Romans 2:11.... I love you, but you will not make me choose."

Ugh. And all this after our first real date too.

Alright. So this is where I stand.

I am a vessel for God. The being that has rescued my soul and loves me more than anything. I have a choice to follow Him and I choose to. He is my number one in life. He has my best interest at heart, but in turn I will be ready and willing to give my life to him and have him use me as needed for His purpose. If God tells me to move, then I'm going to move. I pray He gives me the wisdom between him telling me to do something and me actually just wanting to so much that I use him as an excuse.

"You can't roll a hundred pound truth on a ten pound bridge."

Aaron told me that a while ago in reference to Kevin. And that's what I did. And I feel completely ridiculous for it too. I'm not shaken by these truths that I'm living by now. I've had my jitters and frightening God fearing moments months ago. I know what I want... and I know where I want to be. God is the result of this equation.

I'm going to give it a week... because I just don't know what else to tell him. I'm not going to sugar coat where my life is with God. Kevin isn't going to convince me to ignore God at any point in time because it makes him uncomfortable. Good grief... I used to be that way.

I just don't know what to say to him now...